‘You girls have too many names that sound the same’

H came in this AM and tried to ask how I was doing but embarrassingly to him and beaten-to-death to me, he got my name wrong.

Most do. Even my godmother can’t spell it correctly. -godfather can!

‘Im alright but my name is–’

‘You girls have too many long names that sound the same! There’s Lorna Mae, Laura Rae and [my given name].’

For them-that knowed it, I goes-by Lily — which is short for Lilymae — which is a nickname from my youth, making fun of how backwards-arsed my given name is, what-with being Hillbilly Gentry from the Ozarks.

-are the new readers gone yet?

Everybody in my family goes-by a different name.

Where was I?


I replied, ‘You livin’ in the wroooong damned state if you’re in Missouri and don’t want to sort us girls with long names!’

I don’t think k he liked that, either.

And that’s what you get for asking after me:)

AND I got bit by a snake

Banner fecking week.

I was not barefoot. -after 6 foot surgeries, I treat my tootsies like the precious gems they are, comparatively to my Hillbilly upbringing

But I was only wearing sandals in the pasture.

It was brushhogged down, too!

Nevertheless, a baby whatzit tagged me, from the width of punctures.

You know it as soon as a venomous snake hits you, boy howdy!

I yelped, jumped in the air and proceeded to hop on my good foot about a metre, then stopped to whip around to see it — already got away.

I’ve been tagged only once before and that was much, much worse. Due to the size, I’m surprised that I didn’t get sicker. Baby copperheads (not saying it was cos it had escaped by the time I recovered enough to think anything other than AIEEEEEE!) we’re taught, are more likely to make you sick and need treatment than adults, higher potency venom. Then again, that could be an old wives’ tale told to make kids more respectful of little ones, even though they’re littler.

Can’t look it up since I’m grounded at work til I don’t know if ever to use a computer for personal, stoopid shite like ‘false baby copperhead more venomous?’

At any rate, MAN did it smart. Still does a bit but I think I didn’t get a huge dose cos it only wept a couple of days.


Bobby growled…at ME!

This is my fault.

Bobby is a rescue who was delivered to the kill shelter by a policeman. We got him with 48 hours before his death sentence. He was so incredibly lame, emotionally. He was terrified of everything and while I was raised on a hard-knocks ranch where hard-knocks were delivered (often too much, I could tell you stories that would leave you crying on the floor and I’m not talking about what was done to me).

I didn’t have the heart to say the word ‘no’ to him, let alone ‘punish’ him for anything, not even in the tiniest of ways. I’ve always used positive affirmation and rewards. The only time I ever used restriction/ redirection (‘have a heart’ leashing) was about a year ago — he was 3.5 years old.

I’d never have done this had it not been for the vet telling me off that part of my job was to socialise him. Well…he lives in the middle of NOWHERE on a ranch that is RETIRED, so it’s not like there’s any socialisation to be had!

He’s extremely people-friendly BUT kills (or tries) every other animal he meets.

My main training focus was simple: get him to eat out of a pan, not only single bites from my hand. That’s the only way he’d eat when he came to us: directly from my hand and cautiously, at that.

We got him to where he’d not only eat but eat by himself! That took months of stages.

He wouldn’t go indoors, not even a doghouse or crate. That took months and months. I worked on a crate first, as it was the easiest (I could move it when empty, to different locations to get him used to that, as well), then the doghouse, then the outer buildings, then the house proper.

Once he got used to things, he seemed to always love them!

Lately, he got a rash. I medicated him externally and internally and as a precaution, brought him inside basically 100% of the time.

This is where the problem stems, I’m sure. He is an action pup and loves being outside but he’s nosey and A LAB and loves to be with me, as well.

When I moved him to sleeping overnights indoors? I think he got all territorial on me. I didn’t even realise it til last night.

Our usual thing, every night of his 4+ years with us, is that I get him off his indoors ‘pallet’ by petting him, talking sweetly and ending with ‘Time Go NightNight.’

At this, he usually rouses. Sometimes, he lifts his head and looks at me like, ‘You crazy bitch! It ain’t Time Go NightNight yet!’ but he gets off the pallet and heads to the door.

Last night, he didn’t move at all. I did my next thing:

I have never grabbed his collar except the time he was trying to kill St. Mark’s lab and that was simply trying to restrain him. I don’t like seeing people yanking animals by their collars (the ‘have a heart’ gives a squeeze but it’s to the chest or schnoozle, which uses VERY LITTLE PRESSURE).

What I do is with my fingertip, touch his collar. It’s a ‘reminder’ like ‘hey, you.’ He growled. I stood back up with my mouth ajar.

‘Did you just growl at me?’ I decided that I had gone more insane than usual. I repeated the process of my barely touching him.

Growled again.

I stood up, eyes blazing. Are you fucking kidding me? My sweet, spoilt rotten dog is going to do this territorial bs with a hillbilly?

Dude. This isn’t good.

Let me tell you something: dogs that bite their family members are no more. At that instant, I realised this could be very ugly, very fast.

I took my fingertips (all of my right hand) and briefly pushed his chest, ‘NO!’

He rolled over on his back, tummy up, eyes wide, submissive.

Which was the right bloody thing to do.

He went outside after that.

Being a dog, he lives in the now. I can’t hold a grudge against him for my poor training and my poor boundaries.

All of his privileges to my apartment are gone.

I’m truly upset about this because it means that we’re at a stage that I created and it puts him in jeopardy. He’s whacky in the head and came that way. I have overly-babied and not minded boundaries and now we have a problem.

I’m sure reclaiming the apartment will help. I’m sure because he’s screwed if it doesn’t.


big baby (dentist)

I said that I’d never bypass anaesthesia during dental work again but I did.

I grew up on the working ranch and ate like people did 150 years ago. We raised everything (including sugar cane) and had our own mineral spring as water supply. I did not grow up with chemical-water. -Steve cringes. Hey, better living through Chemistry but you don’t need anything ADDED to your water if your water is OUR water. In town? Give me the additives but not for my teeth. I’m scared of the crap that’s pumped into our water supply! Then again, maybe this is because I live in Missouri…

-are the new readers gone yet?

I had to have ‘a little’ work done. I had a cavity. I haven’t had jack done in about 20 years but back then, I had a spate of bad luck. My bite is screwy and I’d damaged several teeth through use. They had to have root canals and crowns. It was extremely expensive but back then, dentist allowed me to make interest-free payments! Much to my horror, when I handed over $200 last week for a checkup and cleaning, they told me this ‘little work’ was going to cost another $200.

‘But I just GAVE you $200!’

Apparently, it doesn’t work that way. I borrowed (oh, the horror) the money and I will pay that back because dentists no longer take payments. I could charge it but then I’d have to pay interest. Just saying, when I bought my tickets for DC, I didn’t plan on having a problem at dentist! This week, I went in for the work. I bypassed 45 minutes of anaesthetic injections (little known fact: natural redheads don’t take anaesthesia well – I’m not saying it’s a guarantee that you won’t but I’ve had 3 anaesthesia doctors tell me this after trying to either numb me or knock me out — it’s a big PROCESS doing it to me) because they said LITTLE WORK.

I have chronic pain. You have no idea what I lived through as a kid but drilling my teeth can hurt but ech, it’s not that bad. I mean, comparatively. And dentist will stop and let you rest/ breathe if you hold up your hand. It gets done.

doge dentist painI ended up kinda wondering if I should’ve listened to my 20 year old self. That was a bit more than tolerable.

The assistant said afterward, ‘You are SO BRAVE!! I could never have done that.’

What REALLY sucked was about 2 hours later, I’m at work, and almost started crying. Apparently, the work (he really did shove me around) had caused some inflammation or the nerves were talking smack to one another? I don’t know but the pain spread throughout my jaw and ended up giving me a sick headache. That was bad enough, that it flared my spastic colon. I go into ‘bowel lock-down,’ not get the shits. I’ve been on tranqs since. And taking ibuprofen. I cou’d’ve dealt with the initial discomfort but DUDE, I’m still achy in the jaw and my guts are not happy. WAH!

Bobby does dishes

When I come home, I carry my miscellaneous shit in and begin a washtub of dishwater for my various containers that held water, tea and whatever food (I can’t eat ‘out’ due to Celiac and Fenton’s water is atrocious; I grew up drinking our ranch’s spring water and prefer it).

Bobby waits til we get to the part where I ask, ‘do you want to clean this?’

I skid the container over, he picks it up and carries it to his bedbed, where he licks it clean, then tosses it back towards me.

How he takes it to bed to work on it cracks me up but I’d never thought about how funny it is that he tosses it back was til The Duchess mentioned one day.

He’s a card!