NSFW/ NSF people easily offended by swearing — cos I may try to be a beacon of light but I’m real and this girl has a temper and uses all her words.
Tuesday AM’s commute ended (redirected) at the entrance to my job being blocked by no less than 8 AT&Tbastard vehicles. Additionally, 5 AT&Tbastard techs were earning their hazard pay by standing in the middle of the road, looking left or right, NOT at or against traffic.
Luckily, I’m highly experienced in stupidity (at or against). I stopped before knocking their coffees out of their hands. They didn’t look surprised as much as bemused. ‘How’d she get in the middle of our destruction site?’ (intended)
Perhaps somebody was meant to close down the road but as it happened, I was still IN the road, hoping to turn into my company’s lot. Remember it’s our property? That was where they’d parked equipment before jumping off to rejoin their compadres in the middle of the road for a klatch.
I’m sitting there, looking at them, not looking at me. I inched up, seeing if I could possibly squeak by their vehicles or get them to move as one does with
idiotic stubborn cattle.
I grimaced — furiously — til one waved, parting the others like sparrows fleeing a hawk, this many curving that way and that many, the other. Yet none moved out of the road. Luckily, if you make 3/4 of a circle around the block, there’s another entrance. I sped up the block, turned, sped up the block and– Slammed on the brakes again.
If you didn’t know this about me, let me inform you: I’m female. When you do me wrong, suddenly 17 years of cross-road trucker BARRING our entrance swam before my eyes. The man currently dismounting his cab — abandoning his tractor trailer in front of our only other entrance earned a Good Morning from a 17-years-frustrated Me. Being about 38F / 3C (‘warm’ for a Midwestern morning of winter), my windows were down about 2 inches.
‘GET OUT OF THE WAY YOU FUCKING ASSHOLE.’
Vexed! I was 100% ready to bare-fist fight him. I believe that I would’ve won, even though I’m middle-aged, female and petite. I truly do. It was Angel Dust Strength. I had Irish/ Russian Jew/ ‘MUMMY IS FURIOUS’ Brawn.
He remounted the cab and granny gear-inched her out of my way. I zoomed in and realized…
Most truckers I know carry guns, could win an arm wrestling match with a Yeti and are missing teeth from where they gnawed on engine parts where they broke down on the road.
I glanced over my shoulder to see if I needed that Strength back — cos I’d already exploded and was running at 20% Angry Little Woman Power.
Know what he did? Apologized.
THAT’S RIGHT, BABY!
If I’ve said it once, I’ve said it once: When I’m at my angriest asshole self, an apology takes the wind right outta me. I’m still finding this nervously-funny enough to share.
You thought this was going to be about the Pope, didn’t you?