That said, I’m a Target Girl cos I can’t afford to shop at Valmart.
NOTICE: Individual experience may vary. Each state has different laws and if you’re in Missouri, each TOWNSHIP has different tax codes. I pay more in the small, crappy town where I work for the exact same PRICED item in an upscale neighbourhood in St. Louis (let alone in Colorado, which has ZERO sales tax). It’s crazy.
Back to Target versus Valmart. -pronounced like Dracula cos ve vant to suck your blood…money
For years now, when I passingly mention that I have to run by Target after work, people spit, ‘I can’t afford to shop anywhere but Walmart.’
I can only afford to shop at Target. I price-check constantly. I am single income in a region where you’re a lucky dog to have a job that pays $23,000 a year. I’m grateful for this kind of wealth…but I’d prefer more. Wouldn’t we all? That’s why I scrimp and save, so, you know, I can have an iPhone.
-are the new readers gone yet? You bastards better be shopping at Walmart. Mama wants to retire early.
a) Target has a limited selection.
You want Ocean Breeze scent Right Guard? Feck off, you ponce! Go to Walmart for that shit. At Target, you get one kind of Right Guard. I’m not saying they only have Right Guard. You can get Dial or Secret or Degree but you’re not going to get many ‘flavours.’
If you go to a place that sells 5 brands of deodorant rather than 15, you’re limited. If they sell 3 scents rather than 35, you’re limited. I grew up with shops that had even less and I’m not complaining. My guess is that I don’t give a shit because I’m not spoiled for choice.
I was raised in the middle of nowhere. I didn’t know McDonald’s existed until I was a teenager. I should say, I knew they existed but I didn’t know they were in Missouri. Nobody I knew had seen one unless they took a trip to bury Great Aunt Bessie in Little Rock.
Where was I?
When I go into Walmart, which I do, I’m gobsmacked at the choices and I’m not talking about a ‘super Walmart’ but the one in High Ridge, Missouri. They also have one in Fenton but it scares me even more. I don’t think it’s a ‘super,’ either but it’s EFFING BIG. And when I go to Walmart, I stroll along with my trolley and price-check my usuals. It’s always more — unless something is on special offer/ sale. I’m speaking of everyday prices about both places. The thing is, it takes me forever to get out of Valmart because I’m so astounded by so many items that well, crap man. It takes a lot longer just to look. Also, we get to the next reason…
b) More selection means more ‘OMGIHAVETOHAVETHISNOW.’
I mean, it’s only $10 for this shower curtain. Come on! And lookie! They have the most DARLING shower curtain RINGS that MATCH!!! I didn’t need a new shower curtain and I sure as hell didn’t need new rings. I got those FANTASTIC heavy duty, mental ward ones the last time I was in. -that’s a lie cos I thought it was funny. I’m certain they don’t let theWard have metal objects that can be bent into stabbing pieces. And unlike some of you, I have been inside the acute wing of a mental hospital, although I was visiting. I’m told the general population wing is much the same but with video games. I’m still not sold on a holiday there.
Holy crap! They have GLUTEN FREE COOKIES IN A PLASTIC BOX IN THE FREEZER SECTION! I didn’t know Udi’s made cookies! I didn’t know they made 2 kinds of cookies! I better get them both! And they’re only $5 EACH.
O.M.G. they still make this gum? I haven’t seen this in YEARS. It’s $1.25 now? Shee-it. Where else am I going to find this? I’m going to get 3. One for me, one for Brother, one for Spike…
Oh…You know what? I need that special bug-goo-off windscreen wiper fluid. You can’t get that at Target. They only have the regular. I’m heading to Automotive. Yup! There it is. Hrm…$6? Dang. Well, the regular stuff is $6, too. It’s a whole gallon that’ll last me all summer. Why not? -never mind the one kind at Target is less than $6 to begin with
Ooooooo. Hang on! I wonder if they have any 5″ inseam yoga shorts. I can’t find those ANYWHERE. It’s always booty shorts or freaking capris. Ugh. OH YAY THEY HAVE THEM. Erm, they’re made shitty. Well…they’re $8.50. ::sigh:: Do I get these or do without? Maybe I should put back one of those boxes of GF cookies.
This is why it takes me so long when I go in Valmart. And I’ll mention again, as I’m lookie-looing, I’m price-checking my NORMAL stuff and saying the next thing…
c) HOLY MOTHER AT THE FEET OF BABY BEJEEBERS THAT’S MORE THAN TARGET!
Again, mileage may vary but the crap I pick up, I put down again damned fast.
‘I don’t need it that bad.’ That’s my Valmart quote. If you’re walking with me, you’ll hear it several times a trip. Unfortunately, you’ll also hear that mishagoss from b) but luckily: I can go into Valmart with a friend and not buy a thing. -when I’m pushing a trolley, trouble happens The funny thing is, my friends who shop there all the time say that stuff from b) except maybe they like booty shorts, eat gluten, so they’re all about the Pecan Sandies or simply can’t decide between Ocean Breeze and Bahama Lagoon and toss them both in the cart…cos they’re only $4 a piece.
It adds up. Every time you walk into Valmart, chances are you put shite in your trolley that you hadn’t planned on buying. I know! There are ‘list’ people. GOOD ON YER. If you didn’t know about this, kids, let me tell ya! It’s people who write a list before entering a shop and ONLY BUY WHAT’S ON THE LIST. If you’re a Listie, you’re still paying more than I do.
-nobody on earth is still with me and I don’t blame you a bit
I hear them telling others, ‘Girl, I can’t afford to shop at Walmart.’
And each time, I think, ‘GODDAMMIT there goes my EARLY RETIREMENT!