Gram had a pacemaker for over 5 years and then had it removed.
When I was little (before the pacemaker), I mean a TODDLER, she trained me to NEVER take them but how to put nitroglycerin under her tongue when she couldn’t respond to me.
‘If Gram can’t wake up, put 1 of these under her tongue. If it doesn’t work right away, put another one.’ She spoke of herself in third person most of the time. ‘Grandma loves you.’
I also knew how to dial the phone as a toddler (rotary) and my numbers, so there were taped phone numbers on the phone by her bed (which she had installed so I could reach it!).
My mammy’s bday is 15 May and while normally I think of her often and many things remind me of her, I become hyper-sensitive around this time every year, hence the old photos. I sat down for a few minutes and flipped through an album.
I can still feel her saliva on my finger tips, it’s that kind of sensory detail from 40 years ago. I don’t think you get over losing your mammy (she passed 15 years ago), exactly. -if you had shitty parents and one person stood out to try to protect you, I think it’s normal to cling to her. I’m not alone, that’s for sure.