Angry Little Woman strikes again, tailgater

Let me preface by saying if not for my superior insanity, I might not be here to share my tale from the commute.

Here’s the thing: I don’t care if you shoot heroin or drive 200mph. I do care if you do it with babies around and it’s important to bear in mind my Super-Charged Maternal Instinct. Everybody’s my baby, including you.

To put it briefly, which I’m normally incapable of doing: I cannot abide a bully or somebody who puts others at risk of injury or death.

takes more energy to refute bullshit BSDid I tell you about the time I physically attacked a pimp who was almost finished beating his hooker to death? I didn’t save her, it didn’t make a difference but I did it with at least 40 people in the same morning commute train car and I was the only one to try to help. I was 17 years old. I’m that kind of crazy.

Where was I?

I have a special hatred for tailgaters. I drive a minimum of 2 hours a day, across 3 counties. I see a lot of humanity on the roads and there are too many tailgaters. A friend says there’s one trick to driving:

Stay away from everything.

Quite right. If you keep the hell away from everything, you’ll never have an accident. He has driven for 35 years, including 15 years as a delivery man — driving! Point being: he has driven more than most with no accidents–by staying the hell back away from people. One trick. Done.

-are the new readers gone yet?

Back to my story. There’s an Asshole tailgating Everybody. Recall, I drive a long damned way. TailgateTailgateTailgateTailgateTailgateTailgateTailgateTailgateTailgate

I’m staying Well The Hell Back for when Anything Occurs that means another 5 or more car pile up. I see it all the time.

It has been MILES of this. You’d think he’d realise it’s getting him NOWHERE and is risking everybody around him. I do not care if he dies, he will one day anyway, but my pressure-cooker Mammy Sense is building. I lean forward (though I’m easily 4 car-lengths back, farther than normal cos I’m expecting a pile up) and slowly and clearly enunciate to him (from behind), ‘You…Are…An…Asshole.’

He falls back about 2 car lengths, to my surprise. I don’t mind that he saw me, I wanted him to see me, that’s why I made myself clear. But when he responded, I remembered. ‘Oh, yeah. Now I have to bare fist fight the Asshole. Shit.’

I continued driving per norm. He got in the other lane and matches my speed — can you follow this? This is the move so that we’ll be side to side. I don’t want to fight him, mind you, but he is an Asshole and Somebody Has To Do It. I continue driving normally and it takes about 2 minutes for the natural flow of traffic to set me next to him. In the corner of my eye, I can see his full-moon face. We’re window to window, driving 60mph.

I turn my head to full-moon, face to face and wait, ready to bring it.

He just keeps glaring, which is odd because usually an Asshole is screaming and waving and pulling a gun, whatever. Like I haven’t had guns and knives pulled on my standing next to people, let alone both of us in cars.

I clearly say, ‘WHAT?’

His face drops and he mouths, ‘Nothing’ and leaves me and everybody else the hell alone the entire rest of the way to Fenton.


What we had here was a Bully-Asshole and why my crazy arse does it. Bullies will stand down because they’ll be as Bad as possible til a Angry Little Woman -Mama-san!  tells them they’re misbehaving.



15 thoughts on “Angry Little Woman strikes again, tailgater

  1. I’ve been told I need to take more of a zen approach to the a-hole drivers. I find that … difficult.

    There’s some awesome quotes in this post. I may have to borrow at least one of them for my memoirs. Good stuff!


    • You know me, ‘1st draft, only draft’ (I coined that at uni) so I’m sure my tenses are screwy and I KNOW that I digress and blahblah but THANK YOU!

      BadBoy said of this: ‘You have interpersonal problems’ and ‘one day, you’re gonna get man-handled.’

      My reply was, ‘Absolute, I got my interpersonal problems from family and school years and if you had any idea of the injuries I’ve sustained from being weak, you’d know I’m used to it.’

      I’m not proud but I am who I am and at least in my version of being an Angry Little Woman, it’s almost always in the service of protecting others, not preying on the weak. It’s a problem, though.


  2. Good for you. And I’m glad he didn’t have a gun.

    I try not to let the a-holes on the road get to me. Here in Southern California, there’s just too many.


    • I can’t imagine.

      I think it’s true, in my travels…in NON city areas, we have some real aholes along Gravois…even taking 44 or 270 (interstates, local) are different from Gravois and each other. Gravois is particularly filled with ahole (hate to say it but people who went to my district, known for violence, drugs and illiteracy and still is a problem — when you mix poverty, you tend to get those things and you get a lot of fighting at any chance). That’s my theory.


  3. Yes, good for you!
    Ha. I have stood down some assholes me-own-self, cuz I don’t look like much, but you don’t want to see me really mad.

    My mom and I dropped my sister off at an ATM in north Michigan. We were going to the bakery and coming back to get her. I looked back and saw a shitty car with two grubby guys in it slowly pulling up to the little brick house that held the ATM. I told my mom to go back. I got out of the car with my huge batch of keys in my fist…keys poking out of my fingers and headed for those guys. They simultaneously got back in their car and drove away.

    Mama Grizzly. Don’t fuck with me or mine.


  4. “Stay away from everything.” That’s it exactly. There are so many ways to break this rule, and they’re all bad driving! Especially tailgating.


  5. So very glad I don’t/can’t drive and have to put up with these kind of shenanigans. Cos if I *was* allowed to have a driving licence, I’d probably have it confiscated within the week – due to road rage!

    I’m bad enough on the train…


    • I keep telling people ‘conceal and carry’ (the law that allows a license for carrying a firearm on one’s person, not the 2nd Amendment which allows for OWNERSHIP, not meant to be carried about like the old west) is a bad idea because of people like ME.

      You threaten me or mine, my mammy instincts FLARE. Hell, I scare myself!


    • And I loved public transport when I lived where it existed. Didn’t like vetted accosted by drunks, groping bastards or smelling piss and BO but it was lovely not having a concern as to driving!


  6. I’m with you….tailgaters are my pet motoring hate. Many of them are “P-platers”…(youngsters need Provisional plates on their cars for the first year after they get their licences.)

    I’ll vouch for the “stay away from everything” rule (including supermarket carparks) I’m about to clock up 48 years of driving and have never had an accident or ticket of any sort. *touch wood* ….hoping my run of good fortune continues.

    Comments on other posts; Love the search term ‘trader Joe’s hemp’….that would be a nice little money earner.
    Tony Abbott……his bumbling utterances are a lot like George W, and whilst I don’t particularly support his side of politics he has had the courage to make some tough decisions to reduce the deficit and stop illegal immigrants. (many of whom were paying thousands of bucks to commercial people-smuggling operations)

    And finally, eat, drink and be merry. (I gave up on the alternative spelling and pronunciation) 🙂


    • Indeed! Let’s just say, ‘happy hour!’ 🙂

      Trader Joe’s Hemp (protein) is an actual product! Can you believe? What’s really strange is though the US used to grow (it’s here naturally, methinks) tons of hemp for its many uses, it was outlawed. So now, if you want hemp seeds (for nutrition) or fibres for rope, you have to pay another country to import them!



      • Just arrive on our Southern shores where there’s very little deterrent… you’re of an acceptable ethnicity. Australia might deny it, but we still have racist immigration policies.


I like it when you talk to me

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out /  Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )


Connecting to %s