Apple Watch: as an avid Amazon-Review reader, I appreciate the LOLz, too

In 2015, I discovered spoof reviews. I LOVE THEM ALL. I’m trying to make up my mind if I want to finally pay for an Apple Watch (Sport) or wait for the Fitbit Blaze. Obviously, the Blaze is janky by comparison BUT it has a 5 DAY battery charge, rather than 18 hours and tracks my sleep. I have major insomnia (have my entire life), so this is a metric I really, really, really care about. I know Apple has 3rd party sleep tracking apps but when the fuck would I charge the bloody watch?

Point is: of course I want an Apple Watch (42mm, please…all the better to paw the screen) but it doesn’t DO a couple of things that I’ve spent years being used to (week-long charge, sleep tracking without thinking about it).

That said, here’s what I ran across this evening:

apple watch Q&A

Now the whole rectal thermometer / levitation mode has me thinking I may need to watch til AW3.

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