‘It’s complicated.’ There are no easy answers.

square peg round holeSomebody jacked my iCloud email addy and started opening up Facebook accounts. That’s funny! -regular readers are groaning, I’m sure

In fairness, over the past 20 years, I believe that I’ve only changed my password once or twice. I suppose it was time.

I changed the password but noticed there are these security questions. I’m looking at them thinking, ‘Who the hell knows those answers?’ I was afraid that I’d get locked out but tried anyway. I came up with every possible answer that I could (in intervals between logging out, then in again to avoid locking my account). After about 18 attempts, I began trying to reset my questions. That’s a laugh! You have to get the answers right to the bollocks questions in there first.

I rang Apple. After a few steps and questions about my CC#, birthdate, generated authentication codes and the like, we rest the questions. I started looking at the only questions Apple allows (which is also bollocks and the cause of previous bolloxy questions).

I have no easy, direct, ever-able-to-recall-because-my-answers-would-be-make-believe answers.

Screen shot apple question bollocks 1 Screen shot apple question bollocks 2 Screen shot apple question bollocks 3

 

I know most people must look at these and have pat answers. I don’t. In most cases, it’s because I simply don’t recall. Any answer I’d choose is bollocks on my part and I’ll not remember which answer I gave. In the case of a couple that do have answers, it’s always like, ‘Do you mean where I flew to or my destination?’ Cos in my mind it’s the latter but the DIRECT answer is something else. AND that something else answer could be answered three different ways. Yeah. That’s what I’m saying. BOLLOCKS.

First food? I was cooking when I had to stand in a chair to reach it. Hell, I don’t have a first language (not really, I learned pidgin as a kid). Friend’s name? I don’t recall a first friend. I’m a friendly sort. I can tell you where my first SCHOOL was but that’s not one of the questions. Favourite actor…in school?! How about asking me my favourite current actor? Guess what that answer would be?

None. I don’t HAVE a favourite actor for eff’s sake! Band? Eff off. I don’t have a favourite BAND.

I’ve been on sites (like banking, which is rather important) where they allow you to choose your questions. I have answers to questions but I don’t have answers to this bollocks. I told the Apple Tech, too. ‘Look man, I’m too old to remember let alone to ever have given a rip about these answers.’ He suggested that I write down the questions and my bollocks answers to them (which is always instructed for security sake, to never do, btw).

I opted for plan C. I just came up with bollocks answers and reckon I’ll ring them again in future for it to be reset. Shame. If they’d trust me to choose my own questions, I’d be good to go. It’s ridiculous to not allow this as the provided questions cannot be answered by Apple anyway. It’s personal.

Trying to fit this square peg through a round hole ain’t working.