homemade Nutella-ish, looks like baby poo, tastes markedly better


I used almonds (Nutella uses hazelnuts). Of all the nuts I have on hand, -English Walnuts, some call ‘walnuts’ but don’t try that shite with a Hillbilly, there are English and Black, pecans, hickory, and yours truly almonds sounded the best when I ‘tasted’ them, roasted, in my mind.

Next! I had the oven warming to make a frittata–this is the best time to oven-roast nuts as it’s fired up anyway and you don’t need to roast nuts long.

I popped 1C into a cast iron pan and stuck it in. My oven happened to be at 400F but higher is better for roasting (of course you can do this in a skillet but you get a lower quality product that way with whole nuts. Had I been using ground nuts, I’d still have used the oven since it was on but otherwise, I’d have used a skillet on the stovetop. The reason is even heat distribution. Ground means more nut surface is in contact with the heat source. With whole on stovetop, even if you manage to not scorch where they touch, the whole nut isn’t ‘roasted.’ I’m just warning you, do as you please but what I just shared is my Hillbilly Wisdom and that’s worth a bundle, Flatlanders!

-are the new readers gone yet?

Roast them bitches. When you start smelling them (in a good way, hopefully you didn’t walk off to watch Ferguson burn. Since I don’t use the tv, this wasn’t a problem), use a spatula (I used a tablespoon cos it was already in my hand) and flip ’em around a bit. The darker ones are roasted. I don’t leave them in much longer passed this point. Never use scorched nuts. if yours scorched, sorry. Guess feed to the birds?

I could tell you why but this is running way too long for a 3 ingredient recipe!

When cool, place in food processor with erm…maybe a teaspoon of sea salt. Or none. Or table salt. I don’t care what y’uns do.

Process on almost max. My food processor is almost as old as I am and boy, do I hope I look better for my age!

I processed 1 minute at a time. After 2 minutes, my machine was getting hot. I took that tablespoon -handy devices for thumping errant kids or poking at food…or thumping errant food or poking at kids and sort of scraped the sides down and in. Mine was really still in the ground but stage but getting ready to begin hitting the butter stage.

I went and scrubbed something clean for a few minutes (can’t recall what, just let your machine cool if it gets hot before continuing). I ended up doing 2 more 1 minute rounds, with a scrape inwards between.

Add chocolate chips or chunks. This is why it’s so easy. I used Enjoy Life brand (for common food allergies and issues) but I seriously don’t care. Use a higher quality product (less to no wax/ shelf-safe ingredients) for smoother end result. Use lower quality for cost savings after dumping a cup of nuts into the processor.

Process together 1 minute. Et voila!


Store in fridge if you don’t plan on consuming within a week or so. Or if you like it to harden up some.


DIY dark chocolate

Dear Lindt Family, please send me your recipe!

This may be delicious but it’s CERTAINLY not 90% cocao, which is my favorite chocolate from Lindt–what I’d LOVE to make on my own. A buddy showed me Lindt in fact makes a 99% cocao bar, too, but those are harder to come by (I get 90% at Target for 3USD and found the 99% at Amazon.com for 6USD+5USD shipping=11USD each)!

From a hippie on the internet:

These are based on the Carob Chips from Nourishing Traditions by Sally Fallon Morell.

Melt together over low heat:

  • 3/4 cup cocoa powder
  • 1/4 cup rapadura (evaporated cane juice) or equivalent amount of stevia or honey
  • 1 cup virgin, unrefined coconut oil
  • 1 tablespoon vanilla extract

Pour mixture on parchment paper lining a cookie sheet. Harden in refrigerator.

I think it would be great to use cocoa butter as the fat and I wonder if you could get away with no sweetener? Anybody?
I’m deathly allergic (trip to hospital) to agave, so you’ll never see me use agave. I’d rather use sucanat, honey or stevia (but stevia tastes funny) if I must.

GF Peppermint Mocha (or Peppermint Fudge or plain Fudge) Cookies

ouf! I should’ve cleaned that plate!

2 1/4 C confectioners sugar
1/4 t salt
1 t espresso powder 
3/4 C cocoa (Dutched)
1/4 C carob powder (substitution isn’t necessary, you can go all cocoa but I like carob)
3 large egg whites
1 t vanilla and 1 t peppermint extract for Peppermint Mocha 

OR omit espresso powder for peppermint fudge

OR omit espresso powder and peppermint, use only vanilla extract for plain fudge


Mix all in bowl (I used a stand mixer) til smooth and “glassy.” Dump about 1 T at a time onto GREASED (I used spray “pam-like” stuff) cookie tins. Cookie batter will SPREAD a lot.

Bake at 350F for 5-8 minutes. They crack (supposed to do that!) and be careful not to burn. There’s a lot of sugar in these!

COOL COMPLETELY ON TIN before removing.

My elderly parents both loved them and I did, too. 🙂 Bit too much sugar for my system but they’re tasty for non-GF folks.