better than a white line

-title inspired by the following story of an ahole on a heavy bike and this fantastic Midwestern Rock Band

In the future, I hope that I’m not the one who runs over the ahole who has decided to grace my drive times. He has a death wish or simply doesn’t know how to drive but will try it with massive amounts of aggression.

Last Friday, on my way home, everybody was rocking along, doing the speed limit or better. How rare is that? Loverly.

Suddenly, from seemingly nowhere, a man on a heavy bike (and I keep fixating on this because it’s usually the Young Bucks on Crotch Rockets who act this stoopid) breaks the line for about one mile — a rare, straight stretch of the highway.

What I mean is this is a divided highway. There are two, clearly delineated lanes heading in the same direction. It isn’t a double-line (‘do not cross’). It’s a regular, two lane. However, in the state of Missouri, it is not legal for a motorcycle to make his own third lane by driving on the lines!!

It’s legal in Cali, as when I was hanging with Sheila, some dude did and I nearly crapped myself.

He chose to make his own lane by driving between two columns of traffic. This, again, is not legal and is mental.

It scared me so badly, that I was shaking twenty minutes later, when I got home.

This AM? Guess who I saw? ShitHead. He don’t need no stinking lines on a highway! ‘I do what I want.’

Today, he wasn’t breaking the line. Instead, he was weaving in and out of cars without a turn signal or hand signal. At one point, I yelled at him, ‘You better not make me run you over, you ugly mfer. I’ll be scarred for life!’

He couldn’t have heard me but he must’ve read the ugly mfer part. At the next light, he spent a good minute turning his head around, yelling at me.

Dude. Just go kill yourself where it won’t involve others. Seriously. If he’s a day and night commuter with me? I’m going to lose my mind. He’s too damned crazy for me. Reminds me of what Gram used to say:

‘That makes me nervous as a whore in church.’