homemade pumpkin spice coffee (paleo, too!)

DGAF ’bout Haters. I work in a high security gulag with rapists and murderers literally surrounding me and walk alone amongst them — try hundreds when it’s their yard time — me and them all cosy-like.

Saying mean things to me about my taste preferences never bothered me before -thanks, bad parents! but now?  TRY HARDER, MOTHERFUCKERS!

-are the new readers gone yet?

I recently got the Pumpkin Pie seasoning from my new fav spice maker and it’s lovely. I wanted to see how badly I could eff it up but turns out, it’s pretty damned good.

 

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It’s like a room temp toddy… Amaretto Sour

I don’t often go for sweet drinks but I’ve had a good score of these in my life.

Feeling festive, I picked up a bottle of Disarronno last week. I have a nagging cough this week, so I made this. Well, this is what’s left:

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I didn’t feel like making simple syrup, though it REALLY is simple. I just wanted some lemony booze for this throat soreness:

1t fine sugar
1oz lemon juice
2oz Disarronno

Shake it like a Polaroid picture.

Imbibe.

homemade Nutella-ish, looks like baby poo, tastes markedly better

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I used almonds (Nutella uses hazelnuts). Of all the nuts I have on hand, -English Walnuts, some call ‘walnuts’ but don’t try that shite with a Hillbilly, there are English and Black, pecans, hickory, and yours truly almonds sounded the best when I ‘tasted’ them, roasted, in my mind.

Next! I had the oven warming to make a frittata–this is the best time to oven-roast nuts as it’s fired up anyway and you don’t need to roast nuts long.

I popped 1C into a cast iron pan and stuck it in. My oven happened to be at 400F but higher is better for roasting (of course you can do this in a skillet but you get a lower quality product that way with whole nuts. Had I been using ground nuts, I’d still have used the oven since it was on but otherwise, I’d have used a skillet on the stovetop. The reason is even heat distribution. Ground means more nut surface is in contact with the heat source. With whole on stovetop, even if you manage to not scorch where they touch, the whole nut isn’t ‘roasted.’ I’m just warning you, do as you please but what I just shared is my Hillbilly Wisdom and that’s worth a bundle, Flatlanders!

-are the new readers gone yet?

Roast them bitches. When you start smelling them (in a good way, hopefully you didn’t walk off to watch Ferguson burn. Since I don’t use the tv, this wasn’t a problem), use a spatula (I used a tablespoon cos it was already in my hand) and flip ’em around a bit. The darker ones are roasted. I don’t leave them in much longer passed this point. Never use scorched nuts. if yours scorched, sorry. Guess feed to the birds?

I could tell you why but this is running way too long for a 3 ingredient recipe!

When cool, place in food processor with erm…maybe a teaspoon of sea salt. Or none. Or table salt. I don’t care what y’uns do.

Process on almost max. My food processor is almost as old as I am and boy, do I hope I look better for my age!

I processed 1 minute at a time. After 2 minutes, my machine was getting hot. I took that tablespoon -handy devices for thumping errant kids or poking at food…or thumping errant food or poking at kids and sort of scraped the sides down and in. Mine was really still in the ground but stage but getting ready to begin hitting the butter stage.

I went and scrubbed something clean for a few minutes (can’t recall what, just let your machine cool if it gets hot before continuing). I ended up doing 2 more 1 minute rounds, with a scrape inwards between.

Add chocolate chips or chunks. This is why it’s so easy. I used Enjoy Life brand (for common food allergies and issues) but I seriously don’t care. Use a higher quality product (less to no wax/ shelf-safe ingredients) for smoother end result. Use lower quality for cost savings after dumping a cup of nuts into the processor.

Process together 1 minute. Et voila!

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Store in fridge if you don’t plan on consuming within a week or so. Or if you like it to harden up some.
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postcard, Eleuthera & St. Germain

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LovelyLici sent this FAB postcard from the island her fam comes from, isn’t that DELIGHTFUL?

Steve, ::sighs::

I’m not sure how gentlemanly it was of you to dig up this old photo from my days at uni. Look, you know that I paid my way through school and private liberal artsy-fartsy degrees don’t come cheap. I still wish they’d let me keep the shoes. –and accessories

I don’t usually share the personalised sides but this one includes a cocktail recipe, so we’ve made a dispensation.

Thanks for making my Friday Happy Hour even happier, you two!

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recipe, gluten free Rosemary and Olive Oil snack crackers

I could've tried cutting them but why bother when you can experience the joy of breaking things with your bare hands?

I could’ve tried cutting them but why bother when you can experience the joy of breaking things with your bare hands?

I’ve written about the addiction I have to a certain Rosemary and Olive Oil Snack Cracker. The box contains 4 servings -bullcrap! but I’m extremely proud if I can make it last two.

In the interest of saving money and slightly healthifying it, I done tried my own.

I used a pizza stone because I foresaw this being an Issue in removing from a pan, once finished. I can’t say what it would’ve been like because I avoided future disaster by baking on a perfectly flat surface (no edges). The downside is a pizza stone takes longer to cook but this is Midwest winter, so that wasn’t a downside. I don’t recall how long they were in, as usual, I bake by smell more. When I started smelling both the spice and a ‘browning,’ I started checking on them until I decided to remove them from the oven. You can tell from the photo, the edges were truly browned while the inside was not. I also foresaw this and almost laid the dough out in two strips, to promote more browning (providing more edges) but was that lazy and didn’t. I suggest doing that if you like the browned bits, as I do.

  • 1/4C white rice flour
  • 1/4C white sorghum flour
  • 1/4C tapioca starch
  • 1/4C quinoa flour (note, I normally avoid quinoa as it causes GI distress but I already have this and reckoned testing in a small amount)
  • 2T Olive Oil
  • 1/2t rosemary
  • 2T chia seeds
  • water to make dough
roll, roll, roll

roll, roll, roll*

outside browner than inside, see?

outside browner than inside, see?

Toss it all in together save the water. Add water little at a time, I started with 1/4C and think it took about half as much more. I don’t enjoy measuring, although I did use a tablespoon (T) to keep my additions consistent. You know it’s right when it looks like dough. I smooshed it out on the pizza stone –why make more mess? and used parchment paper (waxed paper is fine) and the nearest rolling pin -mine happened to be a bottle of pineapple rum to smoosh out. Bake at 400F til done. Break up or cut. As the inside dries, it will harden but it’ll be a wee bit pliable before them. The edges will break very easily (so does the inside but it won’t ‘crackle’ when warm).

 

* Roll, roll, roll…

recipe, Coconut Cream Jellies (OMG so good!)

coconut jelliesI’m wanting to incorporate more gelatine in my nutrition (meant to start months ago when my gut was bothering me) but it’s always good to have (nails, joints, etc.). Better late than never! This is very fast and easy to do for a wonderful pay-off, although it doesn’t look gorgeous.

THIS is called something in Asian areas but I don’t remember. I also ate this quite often in France, often flavoured with instant espresso (which I’m going to do soon) and banana.

It’s DIVINE — but you have to love coconut flavour.

I used:

  • 1 tin of coconut cream (not milk)
  • enough coconut milk (unsweeteened, unflavoured) to mix top-off above tin to equal 2C
  • 8 tsp gelatine powder (mix well into room-temp or cold coconut ingredients above)
  • 1C sugar (mine looks beige because it’s unbleached, minimally processed)
  • 1C water

Make a simple syrup (1:1 ratio) sugar and water. Stir as mixture heats and reaches a boil. You want it to simmer roundly to boil but be careful when making syrups. My method here is to not reach a rolling boil where it’s bubbling up. I allow it to simmer and then reach the low-side of a boil.

Remove from heat. Give your coconut cream and milk (smoother) several stirs to again make sure the gelatine powder is well-blended and spoon it into the still-hot simple syrup. Continue to stir until it’s completely dissolved.

Line a pan (or bowl or mould) with cling film.

Pour in and place in refrigerator until firmly set. It will resist your fingertip when done. Slice and serve or remove from mould.