homemade Nutella-ish, looks like baby poo, tastes markedly better


I used almonds (Nutella uses hazelnuts). Of all the nuts I have on hand, -English Walnuts, some call ‘walnuts’ but don’t try that shite with a Hillbilly, there are English and Black, pecans, hickory, and yours truly almonds sounded the best when I ‘tasted’ them, roasted, in my mind.

Next! I had the oven warming to make a frittata–this is the best time to oven-roast nuts as it’s fired up anyway and you don’t need to roast nuts long.

I popped 1C into a cast iron pan and stuck it in. My oven happened to be at 400F but higher is better for roasting (of course you can do this in a skillet but you get a lower quality product that way with whole nuts. Had I been using ground nuts, I’d still have used the oven since it was on but otherwise, I’d have used a skillet on the stovetop. The reason is even heat distribution. Ground means more nut surface is in contact with the heat source. With whole on stovetop, even if you manage to not scorch where they touch, the whole nut isn’t ‘roasted.’ I’m just warning you, do as you please but what I just shared is my Hillbilly Wisdom and that’s worth a bundle, Flatlanders!

-are the new readers gone yet?

Roast them bitches. When you start smelling them (in a good way, hopefully you didn’t walk off to watch Ferguson burn. Since I don’t use the tv, this wasn’t a problem), use a spatula (I used a tablespoon cos it was already in my hand) and flip ’em around a bit. The darker ones are roasted. I don’t leave them in much longer passed this point. Never use scorched nuts. if yours scorched, sorry. Guess feed to the birds?

I could tell you why but this is running way too long for a 3 ingredient recipe!

When cool, place in food processor with erm…maybe a teaspoon of sea salt. Or none. Or table salt. I don’t care what y’uns do.

Process on almost max. My food processor is almost as old as I am and boy, do I hope I look better for my age!

I processed 1 minute at a time. After 2 minutes, my machine was getting hot. I took that tablespoon -handy devices for thumping errant kids or poking at food…or thumping errant food or poking at kids and sort of scraped the sides down and in. Mine was really still in the ground but stage but getting ready to begin hitting the butter stage.

I went and scrubbed something clean for a few minutes (can’t recall what, just let your machine cool if it gets hot before continuing). I ended up doing 2 more 1 minute rounds, with a scrape inwards between.

Add chocolate chips or chunks. This is why it’s so easy. I used Enjoy Life brand (for common food allergies and issues) but I seriously don’t care. Use a higher quality product (less to no wax/ shelf-safe ingredients) for smoother end result. Use lower quality for cost savings after dumping a cup of nuts into the processor.

Process together 1 minute. Et voila!


Store in fridge if you don’t plan on consuming within a week or so. Or if you like it to harden up some.


2 pounds of cranberries: booze, muffins & compote

I’m not sure what I was thinking other than, ‘Three dollars for 2 pounds of cranberrries? Get in my TROLLEY!’

Two pounds of cranberries is about 4 times the normal bag of cranberries people buy for a nuclear family dinner. If you’re serving 30 or more people (like we always did), sure, you need more.

I didn’t buy it to serve at a dinner. I bought it to experiment!

apple cranberry compote BEFORE blending in the topping.jpgFirst, I tried a sort of compote — or what I’d call the cooked fruit and nut stuff that looks like it ought to be inside a pie but people often eat with breakfast, often atop pancakes or crepes. While I was making it, I thought about making a sort of paleo pie-crust topping for it, just to see if that worked, like a sweet pot pie, almost. Mmmmmnah. I ended up stirring the topping into the bottom and liked it much better. The only difference between what would’ve been quite normal as to this mess (which is delicious but ugly; a common theme in my cooking) is a LOT of fat, since I’d attempted it as a crust / top. Also, the pieces of walnut were rather smooth instead of obviously ‘gibbled’ as Gram said.

simple syrup.jpgblanched cranberries in syrup.jpgSecond, I was going to infuse some mandarin vodka with cranberries but at the last moment, decided to try something Different. I hurry-up-quick made a simple syrup (thin, 1:1) and tossed them in to blanch. Absolut Mandarin.jpgI didn’t want to cook them (pop, like in cranberry sauce), just hit ’em with the heat and prep them for melding with the syrup and booze. I transferred them to the Hillbilly equivalent to fancy glassware (a quart canning jar) and poured the vodka over.

My guess for use?

  • pretty as a boozy picture.jpgatop ice cream, hello?
  • inside chocolate (using mini-cupcake or candy moulds, pour some melted chocolate, then fill, then top with melted chocolate
  • mix with some Sprite / 7 Up / Fresca and drink, heck, maybe coke with lime?

Any ideas? I reckon it should marry 1-2 weeks, since heat was used on the fruit.


cranberry muffins.jpgThird, muffins! These, like all else, are grain free, dairy free, full fat and sweetened with maple syrup or honey. It’s a fairly standard muffin, ya know, factoring in the above, and then I put 7 cranberries on top (there was at least 2C of cranberries processed within) and a little ground pecans with honey, coconut oil and cinnamon sprinkled on top. The cranberries burst and melted in with the heat.

#paleo #gf Delicious Cookie/ Biscuit ‘base’

Tom Thumb gluten free cookieI made these this weekend, only one batch -I never make a single batch!  cos I didn’t feel great.

I used store bought boughten, as we say in the Ozarks orange marmalade, lemon curd and strawberry preserves but made date filling. I almost made fig filling, too, but I was getting tired. -again, just wanted to curl up in a crampy ball instead of doing anything

-are the new readers gone yet?

Mix wet with wet, dry with dry and incorporate, like any recipe. Bake at 375F / 190C for about 30 minutes or just starting to brown.

ingredients cookie base

You can see the single serving nutritional data at bottom. This makes 32 cookies. I used a tablespoon to pick some up batter and roll into a ball then smoosh with my hands in either a Tom Thumb style for filling or flat for not-filled.

Oh! And I decided at the last second to toss in crushed pecans for the flat biscuits. It came away with a Pecan Sandie-like flavour but not  texture. -so don’t come crying to me that it wasn’t crumbly enough!

recipe: Pumpkin Spice Doughnuts (Paleo/ gluten free)

copyrighted, like I care, I'm directing you to their site

copyrighted, like I care, I’m directing you to their site

Normally, ‘fake’ versions of real foods don’t work so well in taste/ texture.

It’s better to just eat real food but between ‘pumpkin,’ ‘spice’ and ‘doughnut,’ I may have to try these!

I don’t have their cutesy ‘maker’ but baking is fine — and I *do* have that mini-loaf thing. I don’t mind what shape it’s in if it’s tasty! I don’t think that I have arrowroot flour but I’m willing to try some others.


Beware the Easter Bunneh

As a Celiac Survivor, let me tell you one thing:

Even your typically gluten-free candy MAY be contaminated for holiday-issues. That can mean holiday shapes or wrapping. They combine lines. I know this because I’ve rung the candy makers. If you’re concerned, don’t eat the candy til you know.

For many years, I’ve reposted that old saw with the two chocolate bunnies saying, ‘my ass hurts’ and ‘what?’ Kids these days prefer ‘butt.’ #googlethatshite

In defiance of ‘butt’ over ‘ass,’ I’m posting this.

grumpy cat easter

Dairy-free Hard Sauce

Who doesn’t like sweet things and who doesn’t like whiskey? Did somebody say HARD SAUCE?

I was looking for something else when I ran across this recipe. It’s too weird and interesting to not share! I try to avoid citrus and nightshades as auto-immune triggers but I try to avoid DAIRY as well. Choose your poison.

Sugar and whiskey aren’t good for me but my reactions aren’t any worse than other peoples’ which is saying something for me, the Canary in a Coal mine. (for links and reference, not content of that post)

Adapted From More Great Good Dairy-Free Desserts Naturally: Sin-Sational Sumptuous Treats By Fran Costigan

  • 2C apple or pear juice
  • 1/2C soya milk
  • 1-2T whiskey
  • 2T arrowroot powder
  • 2T orange juice
  • 2t vanilla extract
  • 1t almond extract
  • 1/2t orange extract

Please note the differences between T and t.

Bring juice to a boil over medium heat. Reduce to 1C. Lower heat, add soya. Simmer additional 2-3 minutes.

Mix arrowroot (thickener) in orange juice (you’ll remember this has to be done cold). Add, stirring constantly to simmering juice/ soya til it comes to a boil.

Immediately remove from heat upon boil and add extracts and whiskey, stirring only once and STOP  (think making boxed Jello Pudding dessert if you’re unfamiliar with making gravies, etc.).

Allow to cool several hours and give a stir before pouring over whatever dessert.

Pretty interesting, isn’t it?