DIY: pocketbac refill

They make these lil bastards SO HARD TO OPEN that you’ll happily pay the special offer of 5 for 6USD. They’re tiny! But I had a big, honking sanitizer from the same company in one of my all time fav scents: Aromatherapy Oil Eucalyptus-Spearmint.

-alternately, Costco sells a 2L bottle of whatever brand for like 5USD. If you get one of those, you’ll end up needing a new Pocketbac container before using it all!

They make a non EO ES but I like this kind. I’m not the biggest fan of sanitizers. They’re overly-used and ridiculous in most instances.

Try this: wash your fucking hands.

Feeling fancy? Use plain soap. You don’t need “antibacterial” soap. It’s ALL fucking antibacterial.

“Americans are idiots” — that’s a direct, The Duchess, quote.

-are the new readers gone yet?

HOWEVER, sometimes you are far from water and even soap. 

I’d have taken the big, honking bottle but the clients like to use sanitizer and throw…was it salt?…inside to separate the alcohol and they drink it.

Now, that’s not the kind of alcohol you or I may choose but when you live in a high security camp and stand in the hallway wanking off in public, you’re not so choosy.

We’re only allowed the tiny bottles and can’t leave them. Pocketbacs, with their cutesy carry-alls, are perfect!

It took many implements of destruction but I finally uncorked this bastard with a teaspoon. It shot across the kitchen. Wear eye protection.

I dumped this stinky scent, which is wasteful. Normally I’m extremely frugal but once I got the top off, I wasn’t wanting to play with this for a while.

Come here, my pretties!

Et voilà! Snapping it on is easier than removing and it does make a leak-proofed seal.

Ozarks, Clan Reed: a hiking we will go

Drunk-arsed-Brother and I were drunk –feature that and #3niece wanted to take a walk. We went down the back, over the back creek and up over the next valley, then halfway down. 

We brought back prizes:

Honey locust thorns

I’d run ahead and pick up premium cow patties to fling at Brother. I kept going til that last one that looked fling-ready was only dried out on top.

I got a premium bovine femur instead and hauled it back for the hund.

Himses earses drop down when he’s feeling all cuddly. Well, plus they both were torn so the tips flip over at different angles but he lets them fall down when he’s a Baby.

In hillbilly fashion, I wore my pjs cos why change clothes when these are comfy? I did don boots. Brother said they look like German WWi boots. I told him A makes me wear them.

occifer aquariums 

Think I mentioned these…each apartment building at my gulag has 4 wings, guarded by 2 aquariums that look into them and also, of course, have video running 24/7 (as clients will tell –brag that there are always hiding places.

Anyhoozles! I went out some 3 times to each yesterday (Fitbit thanked me) and each time, it’s queer as hell cos the clients (not all) come up with noses stuck to the Windows and read lips or…

I barely caught this: well-built physique TORE HIS SHIRT OFF AT ME. Which is better than openly wanking off, which Tower 3 Bad Boys are known for.

Had a few occifers tell me yesterday am (queue was worst I’ve seen to get my weapon–a walkie talkie) they were horrified a n00b, especially without actual weapons training and tactical skills (how to rassle) had been placed in the building. One turned and said, ‘I wish I were in there. You’re always busy cos those guys are always doing something.’ Doing something at the gulag means Bad, Bad Things.
Had another funny thing happen: talking to a brand new occifer (2.5 weeks there before I came) who said she took this job to just have a job but LOVES it. Worked at ATT for 20 years. ANYHOO, says, ‘I got called in for an interview for…

[My dream job!!]

I think my jaw dropped. I mean, that’s the ACTUAL POSITION IN THE ACTUAL OFFICE.

For a sec, my mind went blank. I didn’t know if I was going to feel jealous or cry or laugh.

Turns out, I had an odd realization:

I don’t want that job right now.

The people I work with are so funny and so awesome…I want to stay at least til I’ve finished my probation (6mos). It’s just under 5 months left. I have a lot to learn and I’m so grateful for a chance to get paid, if at a lower wage than I used to be. I can take these skills to dream job or something else later but I feel like I’m doing something that could be rewarding in other ways.

Plus, I get to see some crazy shit.

‘Appalachian Emergency Room’ our ‘Vo5’

One of my fav recurring SNL skits was AER. For one thing, it’s not funny because it’s mocking poor people. It’s funny cos it’s spot-on.

As I’ve said these 4 decades when people don’t recognize what-where I’m about-from (Ozarks Mountaineer, commonly known as an Hillbilly):

‘You know Appalachia?’


‘It’s just like that only not so posh.’

That slays the Appalachians and confuses the Flatlanders.

Any road…

While every morsel said, enacted or seen during these skits is completely believable, –to me, having seen similar if not precisely  the Parnell character Tyler (who always has something shoved completely in an oriface in his pants) came to mind today.

I was doing one of my easier duties and gabbing whilst in the Bubble for C-D Wings. –basically a secured guard aquarium, hence ‘bubble’

I was hanging with a female Sgt and a couple other occifers (one spitting tobacco in a Pepsi can cos OZARKS). We were telling shit-eating client stories when Sgt said, ‘aw, you ain’t like me! When I heard a client was in Medical awaiting release to ER for something keistered, I ran right over. You should’ve seen it! He’s shoved a bottle of V05 shampoo all the way up there and couldn’t get it out.’

The guys were laughing and shaking their heads. I said, ‘I may only see it once but I’d have to see THAT once!’

Sgt said, ‘funny thing is 2 mos later, he did it again. From then on, he was known on the hill as V05.’

So, here’s his soul mate (and a bunch of other funny stuff)!

Appalachian Emergency Room: Ferret on a Ding Dong

pre-ordered Fitbit Blaze

To be released in March. I like that it’s $100 cheaper than my 2nd choice (since AW doesn’t last DAYS on a charge) because where I work, the AW might be chopped off my arm. Better to have the less-interesting model.