homemade pumpkin spice coffee (paleo, too!)

DGAF ’bout Haters. I work in a high security gulag with rapists and murderers literally surrounding me and walk alone amongst them — try hundreds when it’s their yard time — me and them all cosy-like.

Saying mean things to me about my taste preferences never bothered me before -thanks, bad parents! but now?  TRY HARDER, MOTHERFUCKERS!

-are the new readers gone yet?

I recently got the Pumpkin Pie seasoning from my new fav spice maker and it’s lovely. I wanted to see how badly I could eff it up but turns out, it’s pretty damned good.

 

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health risks and me…and the fire fighters and the police

I googled Risk Assessment Saves and the first thing that came up was this. I’m using it cos I love you all so much that I would take my only begotten google result and sacrifice it for you.

-are the new readers gone yet?

Right. Reno, Nevada wanted to save money. Who doesn’t? I love me some cheap bastards as a cheap bastard myself. They have to pay salaries but also health care costs to the city’s employees, such as fire fighters and police. Not only do they have to pay for them but like those dudes (female or male ‘dudes’) need to have some level of health, right? I mean, they supermanneed to protect me by carrying me out of buildings or taking bullets.

-I don’t have a lot of positive police experiences but once, the Police Chief of Webster Groves stood between me and a speeding car to stop it. As he took the Superman Stance, he said, ‘He BETTER stop.’ The car stopped. I pissed myself a little but thanked him and trembled the next hour or so.

Research is Great but Practical application — and continuing to follow up comparing different applications may show unexpected results!*

They use their fire fighters and police as guinea pigs to determine health risk and they gave some X and some Y and guess what? It was one great big old science experiment!

doge saving money cheapThe fantastic thing to me is JUST TAKING THE TEST saved the city $25,000,000. Wow. The documentary is great for explaining basic stuff we need to know about risks that are tossed out at us all the time but we may not know what they heck people are saying! **

* Everybody in my family has CAD and CVD, therefore on heart/ cholesterol lowering meds. I was diagnosed with it in my early teens. I was very muscular and not fat. I grew up on a working farm. At this same age, I was slinging 70lb bales of hay. Even with these facts, the diagnosis wasn’t a surprise given my genetics — especially considering I have autoimmune disorders.

I like to follow a lot of what Robb Wolf talks about for many reasons but his personal reasons (‘his story’) at the beginning of this video is like the Intelligent Version of my story. Kinda.

I stuck to a vegetarian diet for almost 17 years because the US pushes ‘high fibre, low fat, little to no red meat’ as the cure/ response for my family’s health issues. I already ran about 3 miles a few days a week since age 12.

I used 3, 5, 8, 10, and 12lb weights (depending on the move) a few days a week for ‘toning’ from age 18 and in 2009 began lifting to failure (heavier things). From age 15-18, I didn’t do much more than carry textbooks cos I’d moved away from the ranch!

My blood panels grew worse with each passing year. About 3 years ago, my GP looked over my blood panels and shook her head. The day that she and all the other doctors before her had warned me about had Come. She pulled out a prescription pad to order statins. 😦  I watched her pen moving, ‘Isn’t there any other way?’

She stopped. ‘Nobody wants to do it.’

.

.

.

She put me on AIP. In today’s BRANDING terms, strict Paleo, though she didn’t call it that and I only learned they were in the same family several months later via l’Internet.

Eight weeks after, at the follow-up, I wanted to see improvement but feared I was going to be rushed to hospital for bypass surgery cos I was eating the crap out of meat and fat!

Mind you: I wanted to stay off meds, not droppimg dead of heart problems or stroke sounded awfully good, too. That was my goal.

I went from 400+ total cholesterol to under 200. I also had higher than normal good cholesterol and almost no bad cholesterol. My triglycerides were far below normal. Yeah. The bad stuff was lower than normal instead of way the heck above!

Everybody wants to sell you something in a bottle, whether it’s prescribed or has ‘Better Life’ in charming colours in the freezer section at the grocery.

Paleo isn’t a product to sell. Eat whole foods. It sounds pretty but I have lived it. I still can’t believe how well it works. Each year when I get my blood panels checked? I hold my breath to see if the time bomb exploded inside me. Three years in, I’m still golden.

 

**The documentary is worth watching for education. These videos are from the group in the documentary talking to a leading Paleo author. Sure, he’d love to sell books but seriously, anything you want to know is free online.

 

Yum! Calves Liver, asparagus and tomatoes

Went out to stalk asparagus in fencerows as it hasn’t really been turned on yet in the patch. Found NADA but guess where I cut a mess?

The patch. Gardening is always a surprise, often enough shitty ones! -#1niece’s peach tree is yet again under attack. The poor thing got old enough to bear and we got an invasive species of insect from god-knows-where. I’ve tried every Hillbilly method and online organic BS remedy available. No. Last year I read an article from a regional university’s botany department that claimed the only way to kill them was to a) destroy your own trees from which they feed or b) allow them to kill them all. That way, they’ll move on or starve. Super! I can’t really kill it as it’s HERS and thus far the only nieces-3 tree which has survived. Meh.

I steamed the asper-grass -as I like to call it with these grape tomatoes and fried calves liver.* It was all amazing. The Duchess said, ‘you’ve somehow turned out an excellent cook.’

That’s baiting for, ‘when you’ve been cooking for almost 4 decades…let alone running the household since age 8?’

I am an excellent cook but my food is usually ugly. -but delicious

20140420-122539.jpg

Fried in coconut oil and dredged in coconut flour. It did not taste ‘coconutty.’ I don’t soak liver as most people do, as a rule, but today I did in lemon juice, cracked black pepper and dehydrated onions. I KNOW! Look, sometime gut doesn’t tolerate onions and I’ve found for the flavour, dehydrated seems to not hurt me! Yay! I liked this combo so much, I may keep it for a while.

2 pounds of cranberries: booze, muffins & compote

I’m not sure what I was thinking other than, ‘Three dollars for 2 pounds of cranberrries? Get in my TROLLEY!’

Two pounds of cranberries is about 4 times the normal bag of cranberries people buy for a nuclear family dinner. If you’re serving 30 or more people (like we always did), sure, you need more.

I didn’t buy it to serve at a dinner. I bought it to experiment!

apple cranberry compote BEFORE blending in the topping.jpgFirst, I tried a sort of compote — or what I’d call the cooked fruit and nut stuff that looks like it ought to be inside a pie but people often eat with breakfast, often atop pancakes or crepes. While I was making it, I thought about making a sort of paleo pie-crust topping for it, just to see if that worked, like a sweet pot pie, almost. Mmmmmnah. I ended up stirring the topping into the bottom and liked it much better. The only difference between what would’ve been quite normal as to this mess (which is delicious but ugly; a common theme in my cooking) is a LOT of fat, since I’d attempted it as a crust / top. Also, the pieces of walnut were rather smooth instead of obviously ‘gibbled’ as Gram said.

simple syrup.jpgblanched cranberries in syrup.jpgSecond, I was going to infuse some mandarin vodka with cranberries but at the last moment, decided to try something Different. I hurry-up-quick made a simple syrup (thin, 1:1) and tossed them in to blanch. Absolut Mandarin.jpgI didn’t want to cook them (pop, like in cranberry sauce), just hit ’em with the heat and prep them for melding with the syrup and booze. I transferred them to the Hillbilly equivalent to fancy glassware (a quart canning jar) and poured the vodka over.

My guess for use?

  • pretty as a boozy picture.jpgatop ice cream, hello?
  • inside chocolate (using mini-cupcake or candy moulds, pour some melted chocolate, then fill, then top with melted chocolate
  • mix with some Sprite / 7 Up / Fresca and drink, heck, maybe coke with lime?

Any ideas? I reckon it should marry 1-2 weeks, since heat was used on the fruit.

 

cranberry muffins.jpgThird, muffins! These, like all else, are grain free, dairy free, full fat and sweetened with maple syrup or honey. It’s a fairly standard muffin, ya know, factoring in the above, and then I put 7 cranberries on top (there was at least 2C of cranberries processed within) and a little ground pecans with honey, coconut oil and cinnamon sprinkled on top. The cranberries burst and melted in with the heat.

#paleo #gf Delicious Cookie/ Biscuit ‘base’

Tom Thumb gluten free cookieI made these this weekend, only one batch -I never make a single batch!  cos I didn’t feel great.

I used store bought boughten, as we say in the Ozarks orange marmalade, lemon curd and strawberry preserves but made date filling. I almost made fig filling, too, but I was getting tired. -again, just wanted to curl up in a crampy ball instead of doing anything

-are the new readers gone yet?

Mix wet with wet, dry with dry and incorporate, like any recipe. Bake at 375F / 190C for about 30 minutes or just starting to brown.

ingredients cookie base

You can see the single serving nutritional data at bottom. This makes 32 cookies. I used a tablespoon to pick some up batter and roll into a ball then smoosh with my hands in either a Tom Thumb style for filling or flat for not-filled.

Oh! And I decided at the last second to toss in crushed pecans for the flat biscuits. It came away with a Pecan Sandie-like flavour but not  texture. -so don’t come crying to me that it wasn’t crumbly enough!

Paleo drinking

It is one week before my BIRTHDAY! Great timing on this ‘how to drink’ chart. Like I need one. -HAR!

Before you get your pants in a twist, the article states:

Drinking alcohol is not paleo, it’s true, but it is a part of many people’s lives. Read the whole article for Smart Drinking but I’ll include this infographic. It’s fun!

-I cannot drink tequila as I’m deathly allergic to agave. That never was a big issue in the Midwest (agave isn’t indigenous here) til agave nectar started being used. Of course, I rarely partake in processed foods but it’s definitely in tequila. None for me! Don’t cry for me, I can still suck down some Newton’s Folly, Strongbow, Crispin’s, Woodchuck…I’ll stop there but I love cidre! 

 It's [Get] Hammered-Time!

It’s [Get] Hammered-Time!

recipe: Pumpkin Spice Doughnuts (Paleo/ gluten free)

copyrighted, like I care, I'm directing you to their site

copyrighted, like I care, I’m directing you to their site

Normally, ‘fake’ versions of real foods don’t work so well in taste/ texture.

It’s better to just eat real food but between ‘pumpkin,’ ‘spice’ and ‘doughnut,’ I may have to try these!

I don’t have their cutesy ‘maker’ but baking is fine — and I *do* have that mini-loaf thing. I don’t mind what shape it’s in if it’s tasty! I don’t think that I have arrowroot flour but I’m willing to try some others.