sunset, 8 Feb 2015

Ozarks hardwood forest.



Snow fun! And week 3 p90x3

We got more snow, which had been predicted but they called for flurries (non-accumulating) but it accumulated some. Big fun for Bobby and me!

Luckily, they dragged themselves out and bladed and cindered the county road, too. YEEHAW! I only saw one vehicle stuck in a median and they were probably driving on bald tires or like an ahole. If you drove sanely, it was grand.

Without realising it, I began week 3 of p90x3 yesterday. I thought about that this morning. I’ve recently posted about my progress, so I’ve got more of that to look forward to and when I get better on eating like a normal human, not a family of 4, it’ll show, too. I’m telling you, I adore the 30 minute format of this programme!!!

Speaking of prgrammes, I watched the first 4 epis of this season’s Shameless. Some people make a big deal out of it and it’s well-made but it’s very like our childhood (FS, Brother and me) in many ways. Not as bad most of the time, which makes it odd when people go on about how…shameless the characters are. Kinda like, ‘Glad you grew up on Disneyland. Don’t think you’d have survived the real world’ from us.

Winter Olympics erm, Ozarkics?

Bobby and I on the back pond

Bobby and me on the back pond

It’s about torque, really, and trust.

Tuesday night, oh my gosh what a shitty drive home. Everybody left early. Yeah, everybody. I stayed for a few reasons:

  • I had access to the 4×4 Big Rig that day and had taken it
  • Everybody leaving early meant all those aholes were on the road
  • I hoped that not only the aholery should clear but that MoDOT (Missouri Department of Transportation) would you know, do something

The drive was stressful but better than expected.

  • I didn’t crash…
  • a Borrowed Vehicle…
  • that’s dear

The drive went 5mph for the first 10 miles or so. Well, stopped and 5mph. As less vehicles were on the road (getting home), it was sort of better but that also meant I was further out in the hills and less work had been done. Vehicles were all over the place, which is scary as hell. It’s not YOU, it’s THEM. And by the I mean I’ve crashed enough cars, sometimes into others, to know shite happens.

wooden flume

wooden flume

Yesterday was a snow day (used vacation money/ time — boo!). We worked on the ranch road for 2.5 hours. I don’t know if I can get home but I did manage to slide off the ranch (we’re at the top of a valley and you can flume your way down to the county road.


I went out on the completely frozen back pond and skidded around a bit like a kid — not with wild abandon, not carrying when my feet would go out from under me. Bobby thought this was Mental and wouldn’t pull me along the way some of our dogs did when I was a kid. Jerk. It’s fun! You get on the packed icy-snow (depending on your type of snow, this one was the wet, heavy, packing-inta-ice kind) and hold onto a dog’s collar, letting their superior bonus legs and claws drag you.

A lot like this but the dog pulls you and there’s nobody around to cheer or laugh.



So it begins…5 January 2014

They predicted desperate weather. My response was, ‘if they can’t get what’s going to happen by day’s end, how can I get overwrought about 3-5 days from now?’

So far, they’ve been correct if you don’t count they’ve needed to make it worse and worse.

We’ve have Begun. I spent about 20 out of 30 minutes clearing Mum’s sat dish and doing minimal walkways.



While the snow is sizeable (for us, we don’t get Lake Effect snow down this way), it’s DRY (‘powder’ and that means LIGHT, thank dog) and less of a snow-weight-disaster risk.

They’re calling for twice this amount.

Snow isn’t my dread and Bobby loves it.

I’m worried about temps. It’s normal for the Ozarks to get single (Fahrenheit) digits. It is not normal to have them sustained, or heaven’s forbid, to drop lower. That’s Northerly weather! We don’t keep engine block heaters here, for example. We have lined, waterproof boots but not the very thick ones that provide not only extra insulation but also that ‘cushion of air.’ I know about these things because I was raised by quasi-Canadians (from UP, for those in the know–people here don’t even know what the UP is-HAR!(.

-are the new readers gone yet?

Anyway, the news is reminding us (since we’re not accustomed to this) to stay indoors as any exposed skin can freeze in a moment when it’s this cold.

Possession is 9/10 of the Law: my new FedEx truck

It got up to 48F / 9C yesterday! We’re still buried under about 2 inches of ice, though. The next couple of days are supposed to be just as warm, so we’ll probably thaw out but…

Guess what Santa left on the ranch’s private road? A FEDEX TRUCK!

When you live in a remote area that survives winter, you know to pack extra this and that, wear your snowboots even when nobody where you work has been wearing them for a week (they have a different climate, three counties away, not to mention they have infrastructure) and be damned sure you get home as quickly as possible because sunset is 16:30. You haven’t even made it home by then. There’s nothing like getting stuck and hiking in the dark when it’s True Dark. –also, carry a flashlight or three

I went straight home last night and to what did my wondering eyes should appear but a FedEx truck stuck on our road within sight of the county road.

She’d been there since midday. I hiked up and made her a cup of cocoa. Spike went several times to check on her, the last being 20h (8PM) when he proclaimed: I’m telling her to come up out of the cold and sleep on your couch.

My parents are extremely generous with my things. Har! Nah, I’d want her to be comfy, too.

About 21h, I heard Bobby pitching a fit. I assumed they’d brought a wrecker. When you go off our road, there’s a ravine. I’ve personally had my car go 40 feet down into it, which isn’t all the way.

-are the new readers gone yet?

This driver was lucky because she slid off the road sideways into the ravine til one of our nice, big oaks stopped her. The truck is nestled against a 100 year old tree.

On my way out this morning we have a truck but no driver. I assume the noises around 21h was another truck coming to rescue the driver and her packages. -damn! Missed my chance  I still have that truck, though, so it’s a good Christmas!

UPDATE: We still have a truck at 24 hours after. Spike rang FedEx to ask when they were going to come get their truck. They swear they have no truck on our property. free trucks, y’uns!

He spent hours on the phone, transferring around and on hold til somebody said they’d call back. During this time, he bemoaned the FREE GIFT TRUCK to a neighbour who said, ‘Call the cops.’

Cops have visited El Rancho Reedo today but then Spike learnt they don’t just tow away, they charge you. -and hello? My FREE truck?

I’ve already Made Plans.

ReedEx. I designed the logo meself!

ReedEx. I designed the logo meself!


This is my ticket to Freedom. I can start my own delivery, extermination service (I’ve killed hundreds of animals on the ranch, so I’m thinking this is a Natural for me), as it works with the name or cook meth in a mobile lab. I just need to learn how. Killing animals or delivering packages sounds easier.

Spike rang back and told them, ‘Whatever you do, don’t do anything that I have to pay for.’ Good luck with that, Spike. You done brought in Johnnie Law.

FedEx finally rang back and using the numbers from the package delivered, they say, ‘That’s not our truck. We don’t have to sort this. It’s a U-Haul.’

This, to me, sounded Fishy because it sure as hell was a box truck with FEDEX plastered all over it. As I was just sharing this latest development, a bloke I work with said he used to deliver for FedEx and they absolutely rent U-Hauls and decorate them with FEDEX. I say, ‘WHATEVER.’ Either give me the bloody truck or get it off my land. For one thing, it’s blocking the road (a wheel is barely on and that means you can’t risk squeezing by when your choices are: road, ravine or hit truck.