Baby Got Sacked

If you were sick of hearing about my murdered and mutilated, semi-retarded, rescue dog, how about being made redundant for a blog post? In fairness, I’ve only worked at theCompany for 19 years but I have worked 28 years straight, mofos!

I’m GRAND, always am. -except the Bobby thing; I do not know how people survive finding their human children that way because it happens and I’m fucked up. Recall, one of my crass, gallows-humour jokes has always been that I’m a serial killer, having grown up on a working ranch where I killed and chopped up hundreds (maybe into thousands) of animals for food but also ‘mercy killings’ of cats/ dogs/ larger stock that had something that wasn’t fixable. 

Back to theSacking but first, theCompany:

Having worked at theCompany back when it wasn’t just ‘A Real Company,’ as the Old Guard says but when we were Number 1 in the USA for our industry. Yeah, as the man said: That’s a real company! Having witnessed the changeover from Father to Son, which meant a decidedly downward spiral, eventually leading to the Son (let’s call him Little Boy Blue) making his Girlfriend –not to be confused with his Wife Vice President.

I’ve seen some shitstorms.

We went from 3 locations with a total of about 500 employees to what is now 1 location with 20-some employees. -not counting temps, which they’ve found useful

The worst of it for me started about a year and a half ago, when Girlfriend (let’s call her Delilah, though not a perfect analogy to LBB but certainly for theCompany) decided she didn’t have to pretend to be human to anybody. I  take none of this personally. I was there before LBB took over. I was there before Delilah came… theCompany went from making $28Million a year when Delilah took over to $500,000 a year. You’d think LBB’d let Delilah keep the title and bring in somebody to actually run the company. I don’t think that he will. Coming from Old Money, I imagine this is a wonderful tax write-off for his family. There’s theCompany sussed for you.

theCompany likes to sack people on Thursdays. Having literally seen hundreds of coworkers sacked, the surprises are when they’ve done it on another day…I’ve learned through seeing those occasions play out that they are for Those Who’ve Personally Pissed off Delilah or Little Boy Blue. Given this nomenclature, LBB doesn’t play too much of a part in things but he has made a few exceptions. -don’t get the reference still? Use the link above

I was sacked on a Thursday, which to LBB means, ‘And I like you!’ I was the highest person paid in the room and the last of the Old Guard. Stress Old, which is funny because I was the Baby of the Old Guard! Anyhoozles…I’m rambling but this is like 20 years of stuff I’m trying to toss out at once. Sorry.

At 4PM,  -quitting time but I always finish the work on my desk, which means I give Free Work LBB said, ‘Please follow me to the Board Room?’ Now, let me back up just a tetch. Two weeks ago, I saw EVERY SIGN EVER that theSacking would recommence. I believed that it would be myself and another broad but then, we weren’t. This was well and truly a surprise, so I reckoned the next week. This didn’t happen, either. Apparently, they wanted us to complete some tasks before shitting us out, which happened this week. It was not a surprise. So, much so, that as I’d been so focused, I didn’t see LBB following a parade of people into the Board Room. I was his last pick-up. My pet at work or ‘WorkDaughter’ had been watching, though. When I got up, she said, ‘Wait. No. No. Wait. What’s happening?’ Everybody, including LBB, had gone in. My tarrying was caused by hurriedly shuffling papers into 3 rough stacks, already realising that the work wouldn’t get done at least by me. I looked at her, she looked petrified. ‘It’s okay, kitten. We’re being fired.’ WorkDaughter,  ‘I don’t understand.’ I said, ‘It happens. It’ll all be okay.’ Then, I walked out of the room and went to the Board Room.

LBB stood on one side of the large table. This is a table where I’ve taken part in New Product Development meetings and attended MSDS classes. It’s also where I interviewed all those years ago.

We Firing Squad Targets stood on the other side. At one point in LBB’s speech, one man sat down. I kept shooting glances at the broad I expected to go with me earlier (I was correct) to see if I was going to have to hold her while she cried, as I’ve done so many others over the years. I’m not exaggerating. She stood stony-faced. I was proud of her! Turns out, she was so shocked, she just wasn’t reacting. LBB droned on about the same shite anybody does when making redundancies: great loyalty/ service but Hard Times / trying to turn a corner… You’ve seen it in films if not in person. Thing is, I’ve seen this speech performed by him so many times, it’s well, boring.

‘I see you’ve got some envelopes there, do they include my 401k materials? Cos I’m not leaving without them.’

LBB had stopped at my interjection and said, ‘Yes, but-‘ and continued with ‘Four score and seven years ago, our…’ ::snores::

Now, he was interrupted by soon-to-be-seated-man. I thought suddenly that I was going to have to hold him! He had tears in his eyes! He began to angrily (I realised quickly that I’d mis-read that!) state that if they were letting us go, they had to tell us why… I was like, ‘Oh, feck. Don’t make him start the speech again!’ LBB did. I interrupted. ‘We’re laid off, made redundant-‘

LBB interrupted me. ‘What does redundant mean?’

I looked at him with some kind of pained expression for a moment, sighed and continued, ‘John, redundancy is what you’re describing. You’re stating that due to restructuring, certain positions are no longer necessary. That’s what it means.’

Why do I have to help you fire me, too? is what I was thinking. I miss his dad…his dad’s my drinking buddy! Not that I haven’t drank in a titty bar with LBB over the years. We got decades.

In short, I was given a letter of glowing recommendation that I’l never use. It starts off with a stress on my many years of expertise. I’m sorry but being a Lady of a Certain Age means I don’t want to point out my age. Do not believe it that people don’t look at that above the expertise you’ll bring!

Also, out of several paragraphs, there’s one grammatical error, which I don’t approve of showing to anybody. I don’t want to have been found unnecessary at a place that doesn’t find proofreading a formal letter necessary, either. You should see my shaking head as I type.

As everybody just wandered out, I was the last one standing, out of politeness because LBB had kept talking. I finally realised this was more dumb than obligatory, so I interrupted again. ‘John, I’ll shake your hand, anyway.’ I did and then I, too, wandered out. The thing about being Hillbilly Gentry is I cannot let some things go. By that, I don’t mean feuds -yes, I do but I was raised to be the better person. When you have nothing but a name, it’s important to comport yourself in a certain way. I suppose with being a First Family member, shit. With being anybody, this applies. It was ground into my breeding, though. I’m proud of the fact that I was professional and polite. -barring the interruptions but again, we’ve got decades and he needs help — and believe me, he’s thankful for it.

Here’s where it got personally sickening–though funny, too. I’m wandering back to my area to collect my personal items when I met the Troll. I’ve stolen this name from WorkDaughter, who dd a fabulous job of coming up with it. I could give some great stories about Troll but let’s say she’s an Enforcer for Delilah, who doesn’t need an Enforcer, let me tell you! Both ladies are giants compared to me, physically. The Troll stood, barring my way, with an ‘I’ve been waiting to fuck you up’ look. I stopped. and thought, ‘Are you shitting me? You could’ve beaten my arse any time but you waited til I’m sacked? What the fuck, you ignorant bitch? I’ll sue your arse and theirs.’

Delilah quickly jumped between the Troll and myself. At this, I looked up at her. Delilah was crying. ‘Are you okay? Cos I’m not okay.’

I was surprised for a few seconds. Not so much by Delilah’s crocodile tears but going from thinking I was going to need an ambulance to this? I said, ‘I’m not emotional about this. Shit. I had a Very Bad Childhood. There’s worse things a human can have done to them than getting axed. In the scope of human suffering, this ain’t nothing but bullshit.’

To my greater surprise, the Troll physically went limp. Hugh shoulders slumped while her head lolled to the side. ‘Whew! Thank god.’

Huh? I don’t fucking know. Shit. I guess the Troll thought with all her Trollness, I was going to throw down. I would throw down with her if I had to but I’ve been beaten roundly many times and I can pretty much guarantee, the Troll would take me. Who they had to watch out for was theBitch.

Delilah held her arms wide out, still crying, and bent down the foot it took her to reach me for a hug. I’m a hugsy kinda person. I like people. I didn’t feel so much like hugging the person who ruined the Father’s company that he built up over a lifetime and who had personally destroyed friends’ lives.

As she was descending towards me, I reckoned that if I could be the bigger person for LBB, I could let this pass, too. It’s not about making her feel better. I have zero belief she hurt one iota or knowing my dumb arse, I probably would’ve tried! No, it’s about knowing that I am a better person. I don’t know what my mammy would’ve done. She could fuck you up. Physically and verbally. But more often, she was classy. I’m far from that but I’d rather be Myself and part of me is being kind and generous and basically good. It makes up for all the temper tantrums and swearing 🙂

In summary, I got sacked with others, which wasn’t a surprise. I shook the hand of a dumbass and hugged a ruiner of things…all in all? It was a Thursday at theCompany.

Now, obviously, I’ve been looking elsewhere since Delilah became subhuman. I live in a very remote are without many jobs. In over 200 applications, I’ve been called on 2 interviews. I was out-gunned as I’ve no experience in those fields. It’s not like anybody can just go get another job here foranything. Even ranch hands are usually family members.

Addendum: WorkDaughter and another coworker told me separately, that on Friday, Delilah went around, saying how we had been friends these 15 years and she was brokenhearted. What a waste of energy. I think even the brand new, worse-paid hires have seen enough of her daily actions to know how the wind blows and if in doubt? They saw a Thursday. There won’t be many more. There’s too few of them left.